Saturday, November 11, 2017

11/11/93 - 11/11/17
24 YEARS OF SOBRIETY

Today I'm grateful, conscious and in awe of what this journey has gifted me.
It has been a time of lessons some which I never thought I endure.
Because of the ability to choose through a clear
mind I continue to embrace Change,
Acceptance and remain open
To what my journey
Presents.

11/11/93 - 11/11/17
24 AÑOS DE SOBRIEDAD

Hoy me siento agradecido, consciente y maravillado de lo que este viaje
me ha regalado. Ha sido un tiempo de lecciones, algunas que no
pense podria sobrellevar. Por la habilidad de escoger al
tener mi mente clara, continúo abierto al Cambio,
Aceptación y me mantengo abierto
a lo que el camino me

presente.

Friday, October 21, 2016

24 años celebrando la vida ... Hasta que la muerte nos separe!

 21 de octubre, en esta fecha en 1992 en Houston, TX., me informaron que era VIH +, seguido de un abrazo de mi médico, después de un momento nos sentamos,  él procedió a decirme que debería poner mi vida en orden ya que mi prospecto de vida era de dos a tres años. Me informo que el único medicamento disponible aunque muy tóxico,  era el AZT, mis células T eran 664, y me dio mi primera receta con instrucciones de empezar a tomarla lo antes posible. Fui a mi carro, me senté y empecé a llorar.

 Recuerdo sentir un absoluto e  inmenso vacío, sólo veía las imágenes de mis  amigos y ex pareja que estaban pasando por lo mismo, y los rostros de los que habían empezado el tratamiento y  su deterioro rápido de salud, los que hace un año a seis meses anteriores estaban bien y ahora estaban en una cama de hospital esperando la muerte o y habían fallecido. La forma en que fueron rechazados por  sus familias y, en algunos casos, sus familias no nos permitían a "los amigos homosexuales"  visitarlos o ir a sus funerales.

 En realidad la noticia como tal, no me sorprendió, dado a la realidad de mi vida,  me había mudado a Nueva York en 1980, y luego a Los Ángeles en 1981 y Houston 1983 y era un joven en el mejor momento de su vida, que trabaja para una aerolínea, viajaba y disfrutaba la vida a lo máximo.
Lo que me asustó más fueron las imágenes, el sufrimiento, el estigma, el rechazo, mi familia y cómo iba a manejar mi vida de este momento en adelante, ¿cuánto tiempo realmente me quedaba de vida?  Salí del estacionamiento mi coche y me fui a buscar mi receta lleno de mucho miedo.

Una semana después de empezar a tomar AZT en dosis fuertes, me encontré tirado en la cama, sintiéndome  horrible, no podía retener alimentos,  no tenía la fuerza para levantarme y no podía ir a trabajar.  De vuelta en mi cabeza volvieron todas las imágenes  y todo lo que podía pensar era en los amigos y las historias de muchos  que al igual que yo estaban sanos un día y después de tomar el AZT su salud comenzaba  a deteriorarse y morían.  En ese momento decidí  dejar de tomar el  medicamento.  A los pocos días me empecé a sentirme mejor, la fuerza estaba regresando y ya era capaz de reanudar mi vida.


Volví a mi doctor con el medicamento y le dije que no lo iba a tomar más, su respuesta fue: "Si no vas a seguir mis instrucciones no puedo ser responsable de su salud y no puedes ser mi paciente" Le di las gracias y salí de su oficina. Creo firmemente que ese momento, esa decisión, me salvó la vida. Hoy en día, 24 años después estoy muy agradecido por esa decisión. Ha sido un viaje increíble de Felicidad,  tristeza,  Alegría, dolor, frustración,  Aceptación,  Sobriedad, enfermedad y Salud ..... hasta que la muerte nos separe!

24 years celebrating life...Till death do us apart!

October 21, 2016

On this date 1992, in Houston, TX, I was told I was HIV +, followed by a hug from my doctor, after a moment we sat down and he proceeded to tell me that I should think of getting my affairs in order since my life expectancy was two to three years. He told me the only medication available was AZT, my T-Cells were 664,  and  handed me my first prescription and that I should start taking it as soon as possible.

I went to my car, sat and started crying, I remember feeling an immense void of absolutely nothing, only images of my ex partner and friends that had already died or the ones that where in treatment and their quick decline in health, how well they looked one year to six months prior and now were dead or in a hospital bed waiting to die. How they were shunned from their families, how in some cases their families would not allowed us "the gay friends" to visit or go to their funerals

The actual news did not surprise me, it would have been a shock not be positive given the fact that I had moved to New York in 1980, then to Los Angeles in 1981 and Houston 1983 and was a young gay man having the time of his life, working for an airline and travelling.

What scared me the most were the images, the suffering, the stigma, the rejection, my family and how all that was going to unfold in my life now, how much time do I really have? I started my car and went to get my prescription filled with a lot of fear.

A week after I started taking AZT in large dosis, there I was, in bed feeling horrible, couldn't hold food down, I didn't have the strength to get up, couldn't go to work. Something snapped in my head all the images returned and all I could think about was of all the men I knew that like myself were healthy one day and after taking AZT their health started to decline and at that moment I stopped taking AZT.  Within a few days I started feeling better, strength was returning and I was able to resume my life.

I went back to my doctor with the prescription and told him what had happened, his reply was "If you are not going to follow my directions I can't be responsible for your health and you cannot be my patient" I told thank you and left his office. I strongly believe that moment, that decision, saved my life.

Today, 24 years later I am extremely grateful for that decision. It has been an incredible journey of happiness, sadness, joy, pain, frustration, acceptance, sobriety, sickness and health.....till death do us apart!


24 years celebrating life...Till death do us apart!

October 21, 2016

On this date 1992, in Houston, TX, I was told I was HIV +, followed by a hug from my doctor, after a moment we sat down and he proceeded to tell me that I should think of getting my affairs in order since my life expectancy was two to three years. He told me the only medication available was AZT, my T-Cells were 664,  and  handed me my first prescription and that I should start taking it as soon as possible.

I went to my car, sat and started crying, I remember feeling an immense void of absolutely nothing, only images of my ex partner and friends that had already died or the ones that where in treatment and their quick decline in health, how well they looked one year to six months prior and now were dead or in a hospital bed waiting to die. How they were shunned from their families, how in some cases their families would not allowed us "the gay friends" to visit or go to their funerals

The actual news did not surprise me, it would have been a shock not be positive given the fact that I had moved to New York in 1980, then to Los Angeles in 1981 and Houston 1983 and was a young gay man having the time of his life, working for an airline and travelling.

What scared me the most were the images, the suffering, the stigma, the rejection, my family and how all that was going to unfold in my life now, how much time do I really have? I started my car and went to get my prescription filled with a lot of fear.

A week after I started taking AZT in large dosis, there I was, in bed feeling horrible, couldn't hold food down, I didn't have the strength to get up, couldn't go to work. Something snapped in my head, all the images returned and all I could think about was of all the men I knew that like myself were healthy one day and after taking AZT their health started to decline, at that moment I stopped taking AZT.  Within a few days I started feeling better, strength was returning and I was able to resume my life.

I went back to my doctor with the prescription and told him what had happened, his reply was "If you are not going to follow my directions I can't be responsible for your health and you cannot be my patient" I told him, thank you and left his office. I strongly believe that moment, that decision, saved my life.

Today, 24 years later I am extremely grateful for that decision. It has been an incredible journey of happiness, sadness, joy, pain, frustration, acceptance, sobriety, sickness and health.....till death do us apart!


September 29, 2016

Status Update on my HVC, this is what I shared with my support groups, when I got home from my doctors appointment. Needless to say I'm grateful beyond any expectations.

Hello group, I want to share some good news!
After 13 years of being diagnosed with Hep-C , two treatments, first one, a protocol on 2012, with Interferon, Ribavirin and Sovaldi (before approval) and the last one with Harvoni, which I started on Dec 29, 2015 and ended on June 14, I finally received my 36 week test results and I’M FREE of the Hep-C virus. It was a great relieve to hear my Dr. say “you are cured” and I’m forever grateful. I still have to deal with a compensated Cirrhotic Liver (F4) and the pain and discomfort associated with it, but it is something that I have learned to cope with, one the other hand the Fibro Scan showed the Liver Stiffness Score at 24.2, down from 32.4 from a year ago. 


I’m undetectable on my HIV labs and my T-cells are 229, it has taken over 8 years to get them above 200, I believe they will continue to go up now that my immune system is fighting one less virus. So I am extremely grateful for all the results to my Higher Power, life, my soon to be 23 years of sobriety and this group. Aside from my introduction last year, I never said much about my health and I wanted to share this with HIV Long Term Survivors and HIV 50 + Strong and Healthy and other groups. Reading everyone’s postings have given the strength and willingness to keep on. THANK YOU AND BLESSINGS TO ALL!

Monday, November 10, 2014

21 years Sober

Today, November 11, 2014, I’m 21 years sober, I have begun to understand what emotional maturity is about. I have learned so many lessons during these years, mainly that my reactions have everything to do with my life choices today. I have learned acceptance, gratefulness, humility and I need and want more of all of those things. I’m alive and fully conscious of my process and the wonderful road ahead with many more miracles to discover. I’m grateful for all the challenges past and future for they have and will make me a stronger man. My goal is to continue to be present and conscious throughout my life through the end and continue to learn from each and every experience ahead. Fear which was for a long time my driving force is slowly vanishing and losing its strength, Love and Acceptance taking over. Thanks to my family, friends, God, Buddha, Universe, Energy and members of the different 12 Steps support groups I have attended, without all of you today will just be another day.